I AM SKTL

A MESSAGE TO THE WORLD

So the economy looks like hell, and everyone’s worried. It’s kind of depressing – which is why I think we should remind ourselves that we still live in the greatest country in the world, probably since the beginning of time. I know that simple fact is easy to forget – especially since we’ve sat here for the last two years being told by our new president – and his codependent media – that we must do everything possible to repair our reputation worldwide.

But who have we`ve let down, really? Eurabia? Those wonderful secular humanists, the Chinese? Those delightful chaps raping goats in the mountains of Pakistan?

Come on – even under evil Bush-Hitler, America has done more to help those in need than any place else, ever. We don’t just export the undead in the guise of Madonna, but we also rescue people from dictators and send aid to victims of disaster and disease. We’ve done more good in this world, than every other country combined.

I mean, when was the last time Venezuela offered the world anything other than contraband? Japan? Pokemon and vending machine underwear. France? Ambivalence and mimes. England? Chris Martin. Shall I go on?

Bottom line, the only country that thinks America is a troubling force in the world is America – inside which exists a subset consisting of Associated Press editors, Arianna Huffington and assorted outspoken baristas. It`s a world that`s wrinkly, smelly and has all the substance of an opium hallucination, but with plenty of gray ponytails.

So, sorry world – we don`t need Barack Obama to restore our country to greatness. We’re already there – and if you don’t believe me, then feel free to stop trying to come here. Go somewhere else. Try Paraguay. They may not be great, but they`ve got llamas.